Already Anxious

I'm having a bad 'working mom' day. Which is funny because I'm currently in between jobs and taking 2 weeks off to relax, spend time at home and spend time with my baby boy. The past 3 days have been great. I've made healthy meals, cleaned my house a little, and read and played with my baby.

Today however, I remembered that I can't stay home with him forever. This will end, and too soon. I just want to cuddle him, read to him, play with him. I want to be the face he sees when he wakes up from his nap. I know I have 1.5 weeks left, but I can't help feel the impending doom.

I know once I get back to my new job, things will get back into swing. There's just so many changes that are taking place. Not only will I be starting a new job, we just found out yesterday that our child care provider, which we love-I mean LOVE, can no longer watch our son. We knew it was coming, but there was a part of me that was hoping that something would miraculously work out-for her and for us.

When I started work 3 months ago after a 12 week maternity leave, I was a wreck. The one thing that made it easier was our babysitter. She was amazing. We felt so great dropping our son off at her house. It's a nice home, with no other children besides our Peanut. Her kids are in their 20's so they would play with him when he was awake. There are so many great things I can say about her. If we had enough money to pay her a 'real' salary, I would do it in a heart beat-however if we had enough money to do that, I would stay home in half a heart beat.

So besides me wishing I could be a stay at home mom, I'm also feeling the responsibility of finding another sitter in the next 1.5 weeks. I would like to find someone that gives me the feeling I got 3 months ago, especially when starting a new job. I know God will provide someone, it's just hard to wait.