I was at my last job for 9 years. I had a lot of flexibility and freedom. I was able to pump 3 times a day for 30 minutes, still take at least a 30 minute lunch, and was able to leave early or come in late if necessary. Being at a company for that long has it's perks. From there, I went to being home for 2 weeks with my baby boy. He's 6.5 months now and SO much fun. He's crawling, sitting, eating solids, 'talking', laughing and more! Then going from that to a new job where I should really be 'more dedicated'. I hate being the one person there who has to take 2 schedule breaks, come in later than everyone else because of taking the baby to the babysitter, and has to leave exactly at 5 because I have to get home to feed Elijah. Plus, I have to re-schedule or leave meetings and trainings around my breaks-especially because I actually feed Elijah instead of just pumping. I already feel like I'm the biggest slacker in the office! It's adding a lot of stress.
When I accepted this job, I knew it would be long hours and some weekends. I really wanted this job, and I really needed a job-so I was fine with it. Now that I'm there I'm having small panic attacks thinking of 3 weekends in a row or holidays that I won't be home with my baby and hubby. I traded travel from my old job to nights and weekends at my new job. I knew it was coming, but it's here and harder than I thought.
Then of course there's our desire to eat REAL FOOD. Which doesn't usually include quick fixins and take out. This is really important to me, so I'll continue doing it-but it still is 'one more thing'. Add to that my desire to work out more and my 1st 5K coming up and needing to train. I went to the gym 2 days ago and was only there 5 minutes before I got a call from my hubby on what solids to feed him. I could only run for 15 minutes, then I had to get home for bedtime.Let's throw in my desire to be a better wife, better my relationship with God by actually DOING my quiet times, have a straightened home (not even spotless, just straightened), making baby food instead of the jarred stuff, and tossing around the idea of cloth diapers-I pretty much want to crawl in a hole and never come out!
I hope you're not thinking I'm a complete wimp at this point! It feels like so much, like I'm going to have to drop something!
On the good side, at church this Sunday, I grabbed a few of our recorded services since I haven't gotten a chance to listen much lately with Elijah. I popped in a CD and our pastor was talking about how God is big enough. I haven't even gotten all the way though, but it gives me hope. He's talking about how we need to find our rest in Jesus. How life get's crazy and hard, and we need rest. I am feeling this need very much right now. I just need to figure out how to hand my burden to Jesus and find my rest in him. I'll hopefully finish the disc tomorrow and learn how to accomplish just that.
