Thursday, April 26, 2012

Feeling Worn Out And A Little Lost

Pin It
I have quite a few other posts in the works right now, but this topic is on my heart right now. I'm not sure if it's the stress of a new job or if it's that my baby is at a really fun stage so I'm missing him more than ever or if it's that I feel like our house is ALWAYS a mess, I never get to the gym, having to make dinner makes me want to cry, etc. Is this how us working moms/wives/women/person always feel?

I was at my last job for 9 years. I had a lot of flexibility and freedom. I was able to pump 3 times a day for 30 minutes, still take at least a 30 minute lunch, and was able to leave early or come in late if necessary. Being at a company for that long has it's perks. From there, I went to being home for 2 weeks with my baby boy. He's 6.5 months now and SO much fun. He's crawling, sitting, eating solids, 'talking', laughing and more! Then going from that to a new job where I should really be 'more dedicated'. I hate being the one person there who has to take 2 schedule breaks, come in later than everyone else because of taking the baby to the babysitter, and has to leave exactly at 5 because I have to get home to feed Elijah. Plus, I have to re-schedule or leave meetings and trainings around my breaks-especially because I actually feed Elijah instead of just pumping. I already feel like I'm the biggest slacker in the office! It's adding a lot of stress.

When I accepted this job, I knew it would be long hours and some weekends. I really wanted this job, and I really needed a job-so I was fine with it. Now that I'm there I'm having small panic attacks thinking of 3 weekends in a row or holidays that I won't be home with my baby and hubby. I traded travel from my old job to nights and weekends at my new job. I knew it was coming, but it's here and harder than I thought.

Then of course there's our desire to eat REAL FOOD. Which doesn't usually include quick fixins and take out. This is really important to me, so I'll continue doing it-but it still is 'one more thing'. Add to that my desire to work out more and  my 1st 5K coming up and needing to train. I went to the gym 2 days ago and was only there 5 minutes before I got a call from my hubby on what solids to feed him. I could only run for 15 minutes, then I had to get home for bedtime.

Let's throw in my desire to be a better wife, better my relationship with God by actually DOING my quiet times, have a straightened home (not even spotless, just straightened), making baby food instead of the jarred stuff, and tossing around the idea of cloth diapers-I pretty much want to crawl in a hole and never come out!

I hope you're not thinking I'm a complete wimp at this point! It feels like so much, like I'm going to have to drop something!

On the good side, at church this Sunday, I grabbed a few of our recorded services since I haven't gotten a chance to listen much lately with Elijah. I popped in a CD and our pastor was talking about how God is big enough. I haven't even gotten all the way though, but it gives me hope. He's talking about how we need to find our rest in Jesus. How life get's crazy and hard, and we need rest. I am feeling this need very much right now. I just need to figure out how to hand my burden to Jesus and find my rest in him. I'll hopefully finish the disc tomorrow and learn how to accomplish just that.


  1. I have wanted to respond for so long. I've had it starred to come back to...and now it's over a month!!! Yikes. Sorry!

    I think I pretty much identified with every single feeling you wrote. I think I have written all of the same at one point or another!!

    For what it's worth, the first year of my son's life was definitely the hardest for me. It was extremely hard and SOMETHING had to change. It did. We dropped daycare. My son got older and slept less. He was more interactive and less "high needs." I made it for 13 months breastfeeding!!! Then I got pregnant again right when it was getting good ha ha.

    Seriously, when you are about to break or feeling so worn out and lost, I think you need to give yourself permission to refresh yourself. Be it sitting at Starbucks, taking a vacation day to spend with your little one, adding extra help around your house...find one thing that will take some pressure off. Too often I feel like I need to find 5 things or 10 things...just focus on one first.

    I wish I appreciated the baby year more looking back, and maybe this doesn't even apply...I was almost trying to hard to love it. Honestly, once he turned a year old it was just so much more fun. Tantrums were "easier" for me than nursing and baby food and scheduling naps in and pumping and washing bottles and teething.

    I promise things will get better!!! Just wanted to assure you I've been there (and go back there) and I've been thinking of you.

    1. I never thanked you for your response! I'm so thankful God sent you to me!! Looking back at this 6 months later I find everything you said was 100% correct! My LO is now almost 15 months and he's so much easier. I as well was trying to hard to have the perfect TV moments. I also did have to drop and add a few things. As you probably know from a lot of our discussions I added a nanny (LOVE IT) and this November I dropped this stressful job! Both have been amazing. We're not too sure how much longer we can do the nanny, but I think with the new less time and stress job it will be okay. I can't believe how much different I feel now. Life is still crazy and there's never enough time or motivation in the day, but it's better. Thanks again for all your support and guidance! I've never met you but I love you!


I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please be respectful.